I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
