hotel room ftw
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
