She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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