got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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