i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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