In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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