I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
