i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
