Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
