batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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