I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize