She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
