Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
