Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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