dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize