I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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