I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize