ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
