Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
