When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
