i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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