I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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