Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
