What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
