Can Purell be used as lube?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
