i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
