Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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