i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
