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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"

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• (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"

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