I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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