He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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