Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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