i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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