I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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