dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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