it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
