you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
