This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
