R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
