First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
