I accidentally had phone sex last night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My breasts were aching with rage.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
