Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
