I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
