He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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