They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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