I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
