im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
