Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
