If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
