I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
