Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
