true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
