quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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