A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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