We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
