Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
