Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
