I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
