went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
