I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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