you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
