I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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