dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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