If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
