i'm signing you up for texting rehab
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
