I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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