i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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