Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
