OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
